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POETRY, PROSE &
THIS AND THAT
A collection of words that have affected
me in some manner.
I believe you'll enjoy them too.
THE BEGINNING OF THE END!
A friend gives you a dog...
You build a small shelter...$150
You fence in a run...$450
Purchase special diet dog food...$2,000/yr
Purchase a portable kennel and x-pen...$800
Purchase 2nd dog...$500
Build larger shelter with storage...$2,000
More fencing...$1,200
Purchase 3rd dog...$800
Purchase 4 matching crates...$500
Purchase larger van...$23,000
Purchase 4 acres next door...$38,000
More fencing...$2,000
Purchase camper for truck...$9,000
Purchase brush hog...$6,000
Purchase 4th & 5th dog...$2000
Purchase neighbor's tree lot...$36,000
Build bigger house...$185,000
Build bigger kennel...$56,000
More fencing ...$24,000
Build covered training arena...$182,000
Purchase Dually...$44,000
Purchase gooseneck camper...$45,000
Purchase 6th, 7th & 8th dogs...$3,000
Hire full time trainer...$50,000
Build house for trainer...$84,000
Buy motor home for shows...$125,000
Hire attorney -- spouse leaving you for trainer...$35,000
Declare bankruptcy, spouse gets everything.
Friend feels sorry for you...gives you a dog.....
Anon. |
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DOG PEOPLE
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...are a special breed not usually recognized by the AKC
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...think everyone has dog crates in their living room.
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...have messy houses yet their kennels are spotless.
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...can always find a show catalogue from somewhere within arm's reach.
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...have kids who know more about the "birds and the bees" when they're five, than most people know when they are 40.
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...drive trucks, vans, and station wagons especially equipped to haul dog crates.
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...can never be reached on a weekend, they're usually at a dog show.
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...will drive 400 miles, spend $100 on gas, $200 on a motel and $150 for meals to bring home a 35 cent ribbon.
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...have kids who regard "bitch"; as just another household word.
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...have lush, green, beautiful back yards and they've never bought a bag of fertiliser.
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...get up at 6 AM to walk the dogs, can be at ringside dressed to kill at 8 AM, but have trouble getting to work on time.
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...will usually give up the $150,000 home in the suburbs to move to a shack on 10 acres so they can have a $150,000 kennel.
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...never miss a closing date for entry fees, but pay the mortgage 10 days late.
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...had rather be audited by the IRS than investigated by the AKC.
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...use dog food bags for trash cans and 30 gal trash cans for dog food.
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...talk for hours on the phone to another dog person in a language known only to dog people.
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...have parents who think they've lost their minds.
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...have dog friends who think they are terrific.
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...are crazy!
Anon. |
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THE STANDARD OF THE BREEDER/OWNER/HANDLER
General Characteristics:
The ideal is an energetic, far-sighted creature with the courage and perseverance of a hound and
natural antipathy for losing.
He should appear neither clumsy nor awkward, as a certain amount of speed and agility is essential while doing his thing.
He is usually found in packs at dog shows.
Size:
Overall balance (mental and physical) is of more value than absolute size.
Head:
The width between the ears varies with wins and losses.
Surmounted by a topknot of long or short hair, either flat, wavy or rather curly, on occasion may be thinning at the top or completely bald, but
the latter is rare in females.
The male is sometimes bearded - again, this is rare in female but not unheard of.
Nose:
A pinkish tinge during the summer months. This should not be penalized on an otherwise good specimen.
Ears:
In proportion to the head.
Ability to listen while in the company of elder and wiser breeders is greatly desired.
Mouths:
Large enough to put foot in.
A slight bulge in the jaw denotes a liver bait.
Body:
Short-coupled variety, usually plump and well padded in hindquarters, flabbiness to be penalized.
Long-coupled variety: lean and sinewy.
Extra size being no disadvantage in either variety provided it does not interfere with freedom of action.
Shoulders:
Never drooping. Broad enough for slapping or crying on.
Back:
Muscular and strong-however, occasional stiffness due to leaning over large dogs or crouching behind small dogs is permissible.
Chest:
Plenty of room for heart
Forearms:
Flexible and well-muscled, caused by lifting crates, putting up tents, carrying dogs and much grooming
Hands:
Working specimen will have short, chewed nails-signs of length of loss shall
be penalized accordingly.
Legs and Feet:
Very muscular and flexible.
Endurance is not of great importance.
Knees well bent and pitted by small stones from kneeling outdoors.
Color:
Immaterial.
Green color denoting envy or red color denoting rage is a
disqualification
Temperament:
Aloof and dignified, even elegant while working.
A cheerful, spirited and tractable disposition desired when in the company of the pack.
Shyness among strangers is not considered a fault, however, rumor mongering and viciousness in any degree is a disqualification.
General Faults:
Over-grooming; tardiness in arriving for ring call; bad sportsmanship and backbiting.
(Unknown)
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